The Manifest

Its July 5th, everything returns back to normal. No more American flag bikini’s or muscle cars roaring down the streets blasting Van Halen. This is what we’ve won though. Fuck YES! Our forefathers kicked Brit ass so that we could flip the rest of the world the bird and scream FREEDOM as we shotgun Budweiser’s. But the celebration of our independence is over and it is just beginning to set in that we are not independent at all. Americans are totally reliant on corporations, government and this fake vulture culture that has been concocted over the last 30 years by Madison Ave to make us feel as though we are free to make our own decisions. Wrong. Our brains have been washed with marketing bleach. You drank the Kool-Aid and you didn’t even know it… maaaaaan!

I am a victim too. And even as I type this bullshit on an Apple computer, I can’t help but think I have a choice. Maybe I do. Maybe its the realization that there is a choice to be made. Maybe I sound like a goddamn hippy conspiracy theorist. That’s not my intention. My intention is this. Do you want to be free?

Do you even know what freedom is? Do you take the blue pill and see where this rabbit hole goes? I’m not sure what the hell is on the other side and frankly, I probably would hate the thought of giving up a cush life in the Hollywood Hills or Palm Beach. And there lies the problem. I’m stuck in the Matrix, I don’t know how to get out. I don’t even know what out means. My life is beautiful, comfortable and completely fabricated. If I attempt to ditch, most likely the real world is going to be a dark shitty sewer system.

This is really hard to write about. I thought a shot of rum would lubricate the gears in my brain to start cranking the ole imagination wheel, but I got nothing. I am trying to picture what my world would be like without the man contaminating my thought process. On the two-minute drive to my friends pool earlier today, billboards pressed me to make several completely irrelevant decisions. Do I like Tosh.O? Yes. I think he’s funny. I should Tivo that. Whoa, Amazing Spiderman is out? In 3D?!? I need to find someone to go with. That will be fun. I’ve heard good things. What? HTC has a new smartphone? Why do they even bother? I wonder when the new iPhone is coming out. Is it going to be worth upgrading? No, but I’ll probably get it anyways. Siri, remind me to buy the new iPhone.

These are the decisions that plague me day in and day out. Not that they are on the forefront of my mind, but they’re there. Admit it. You have these thoughts too. What is my own opinion? Do I even have my own opinion? Every thought I have had has been tainted since day one. Mom, I’m gonna throw up every last bit of this generic brand baby food. Now get it the fuck out of here and get me some Gerber! Now its… McDonald’s is gonna kill you if you eat it everyday. And I’m basing that on what? Years of research and diet studies? Have I attended school and health conferences on the topic? No. I am basing the majority of my knowledge on the subject of a 90 minute documentary called Super Size Me and what some people have told me. Now it is probably true and I really believe that, yet the frightening fact is I don’t know why. There are hundreds of thousands of people worldwide who eat McDonald’s every single meal every single day and they are perfectly healthy. I just looked it up and was shocked. There it was, cold hard facts and a study to back it up. My life was changed. Everything I ever believed about McDonald’s, challenged by some freelance writer working overnight covering the health section for a staff writer that is about to die from heart’s disease.

But now as I think of it, who did that study? Who is bringing in the hundreds of thousands loyal McDonald’s drones for testing? How long are they tested for? Who the fuck would do a study like that? If you said “McDonald’s” or even thought it, give yourself a pat on the back. You’re smarter than you look. Ok, don’t get too proud. McDonald’s is the only fuckin party who would benefit from a real-world “study” like that. They bend the truth a little bit from “healthy” defined as being able to run a mile under 10 minutes to being able to walk a mile without stopping for air. Yeah, by those standards, if you are still breathing you are healthy. I don’t know if thats what they did or not but the second and third shot of rum is running this mouse wheel into a furious whirlwind. phew

I want to clear my mind. I don’t want to be a zombie. They are zapping my brain with stupid slogans and bright colors and promises they can’t keep. Noise. It’s all so noisy. I could go on and on about how you can’t watch a fat kid belly flop into a lake on YouTube without a commercial for boner medicine getting shoved down your throat. At the end of the day, I just want my independence. I want my FREEDOM!

By the way, I didn’t look up an article on McDonalds.